Saturday, January 8, 2011


Don't drink 8+oz of water at a time unless you enjoy spending the day on the potty

It's not a bad sign that I had an entire 3 days of morning sickness

There will be a period, a week or so when you realize that you have no control over your irrational feelings, fears and emotions.

Sleep sometimes doesn't come or doesn't last all night

When you're awake in the wee hours of the morning, DON'T DWELL on said fears

Toots. Are. Toxic.

Testing my own theory: "If I can make meatballs from scratch without vomiting, then I'm not must not be pregnant" was quite silly and unreliable. Could still be proven true, but not by me

Brushing my teeth in the morning doesn't get easier
{luckily those are the few instances that make me gag and 2x lost breakfast}

Brush teeth BEFORE eating breakfast

A mind is a terrible thing to lose

It's ok to cry

2lbs of weight gain actually looks like 5lbs

"Thickening" is a nice way of saying "fat"

I need to be reminded that I am pregnant...not just "fat"

My tummy turns to jello and flub

At 16 weeks, I have nothing to show and as much as I want a baby bump-
it's probably really a great thing I'm still so small

You don't need a baby bump to enjoy maternity shopping

Yay for BELLABANDS, I might always wear one from here on out
to hold in my above waste line curves

Some foods make you bloat that never did before

Not everyone has constipation

It's a compliment when I can't fit into size X-Small maternity pants

My response to everything: I'm pregnat

It could always be worse

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


After a few weeks prior and during Halloween..I had no appetite and lost almost 4 lbs and was extremely fatigued. I kept thinking to myself, "I'm almost sick, I'm getting sick.." {I was even too tired and cold to dress up as Robin Hood's fair maiden for Halloween.. :( }

And yes after 2 negative pregnancy tests in Sept and October I decided I wasn't pregnant. {Also a month or so of negative ovulation tests} But we very much wanted to be. Long story short I had made an appt. with an OB for TODAY so I could prove to everyone that I wasn't pregnant. And get pregnant!! And IF I was than it was going to have to be thru blood work because apparently pee sticks just don't give me results. Until 4 days ago.

Friday morning: I carelessly peed on the stick knowing that it would be negative. When I read POSITIVE I couldn't believe it at all! I was so excited and couldn't wait to tell Ryan. ♥♥♥
So when he got home from work at noon, I surprised him with blue and pink ribbons around my belly. We are so happy and so thrilled. Ryan's a little nervous as you can see.

So TODAY at our appointment we found out that I am 8 weeks along!! {ALREADY!!} Our OB put our due date as June 18th 2011-Ryan's very LAST day of school! Perfect timing! We always joked about his graduation present would be a baby. Really, how can you top that?!

I should have known I was pregnant when:

My appetite {very big appetite} for all things chocolate VANISHED

In September when I started to drink 8oz+ of water vs a sip, wasn't just me being healthy;
it was me listening to my body and drinking the water I needed {go me!}

In addition to, when I didn't drink my water "quota" for the day, I continued to pee at night

When I was startled or my heart began racing and my stomach would flip

For weeks in bed I could smell the dryer sheets on my pillows and blankets

When for the 3 days prior to finding out I was pregnant I had slight "morning sickness" my boss told me to test her hunch that I was pregnant and her theory that protein not carbs would curb morning sickness-to my shock all I had been eating for the few weeks of no appetite was cheese. Cheese sticks, cheese quesadilla's or cheese on crackers


Fatigue. Nap. Nap. Nap.

Everyone else tried to convince me that I might be pregnant
{and that I shouldn't roll my eyes at not having serious morning sickness as I assumed everyone but my boss experienced}

Sunday, October 10, 2010

I was sitting outside in the warm sun, in the quiet and peace of this beautiful day sort of meditating and pondering; Sort of just riding the emotions I had felt earlier today and the thought from the song "..all His creations of which I'm apart.." came into my mind and how grateful I was for the beauty all around me, from the giant trees in my yard to the tiny soft specks of dirt on my feet. And then, I remembered the spiders. I am not grateful for spiders. Spiders hit a nerve in me that is so bad, it just can't be matter what. {lobsters too..they're like spiders' of the sea} And the more I thought about how they must have a good purpose the more I realized that spiders are just like Satan.

Here is what I came up with:

Simply, the purpose of the spider is to be a reminder of Satan...and all that that implies.

S for Satan. S for spider.

Spiders are delicate, deceitful creatures. Beautiful maybe and whimsical in their design, but oh so cunning. Full of poison and not what you expect from such a small {and by small I mean really big!} specimen. Satan too lures us and deceives us with that thing that looks good but is really our personal poison for destruction.

And we can't forget to credit them for their "beautiful" web making skills. Web is just a really nice way of saying trap. A trap for any innocent bug who might be passing by. Even we as people are fooled by their webs. We often don't see their webs, only until we feel the sticky silk do we realize we jut walked into a trap and a spider might be near by, too close for comfort. Like Satan, sometimes we don't see the trap he has set. But we can always feel it and know that somewhere a Spider is waiting. Satan will wait. Timing is everything. {Cunning little creatures!}

I was trying to think optimistically for the spiders sake, like-how do they benefit us? Welll if they weren't here we would have a bigger insect population. But like Satan, spiders only exist by preying on others; simple and innocent victims. They kill. Take lives. Set traps and make more evil spider babies. Satan's power over us can indeed take our lives. We can allow him to harm us or we can be prepared. Spiders are tricky, small may they be- a tiny hole is all they need to invade our homes.

If we lived in a perfect world there would be no obnoxious insects and mosquitoes, no purpose for spiders. Likewise, if we lived in a perfect world and we lived as Christ lived and loved there would be no purpose for Satan.

But we are not perfect and because we live in a world of opposition, we need to be reminded of Satan and his powers; in his spirit form and spider form. We need to be ever mindful of Satan {and spiders} a like. Keep Satan and spiders out of our homes and our lives. Call your exterminators and call on the Lord.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

1st Date 3rd Year Anniversary!

I can't believe it's been 3 years already! It has been so great. OUR story of how we met {still waiting on Ryan to finish his perspective} will be posted soon! But here are the flowers Ryan get's me every single year. {Yes Ryan brought me flowers on our first date!} We also go out to dinner at Al Forno's every year OCT 6. Oddly enough we have the same waitress, Flo every time too. So definite blast from the past. All the emotions are fresh in our hearts and we have a great time.

Pink for breast cancer awareness month so it's kind of special that I get the same flowers every year; and the purchase goes to good cause.

Since I don't have our story yet, I'll post this. A poem I wrote and dedicated to Ryan. It tells my story too. Happy 1st date 3rd Year Anniversary!!


Janie Palmer

All she wore was the soggy remains of a tattered wind sail;

Once had it proudly displayed a great love song for all to see and the wind to carry, but the storm had come and she was lost.

Crumpled and wilted like a frostbitten flower.

Perhaps waiting for the familiar storm to pass; dangerously waiting

She casually paddled around with her tiny umbrella, making little effort, even less progress to get herself out of her black sea of tears.

She was drowning in her heartbroken ship.

Then she heard his song and his laughter

As warm and golden as the sun after the storm;

It was all encompassing and it's sound trickled into her soul.

Closing her eyes she could only hear her heart and the love song it orchestrated. She smiled, never wishing to be out of its light.

Her heart would never beat the same soft song again,

He was her song, she was pulsating with life

And this was just the beginning...

His song had led her safely ashore, a place that at last felt like home

Pausing to look at the boat and remember all the seas of love it had carried her through; She only cried a little as she listened to the wind cry a sad song, soft as a lullaby.

Clutching her umbrella for any future storms, she turned, leaving it where it lay, because she knew now where she was going and wouldn't need a boat to get her there.

Her heart was big and drenched with love; that had never changed

But with every step closer to him her love was growing. Growing beyond the battles of love already endured;

Beyond young love, and lustful love

Beyond playful love and faithful love

Beyond forbidden love and love denied

Beyond enchanting love and love on fire

She had heard his song of true and everlasting love and was entering into his realm, where Love. Conquers. All.

He became the guardian of her heart and the source of it's love, it's song. Closing her eyes she could feel nothing but his love.

A love so great she could wear it as armor.

A love that would never be defeated

A love song that would never be silenced

A love she didn't have to convince or defend

A love complete, absent of doubt

True love for her was full of laughter and manifested itself more slowly than expected in simple quiet moments.

Moments that brought waves of overwhelming peace.

And softly blew clouds of bliss, full of laughter that fell like rain.

More than his heart he gave; A ring. A promise.

A promise his kiss would be her last first kiss.

A promise their song alone would he sing.

She embraced him and all of his love.

His arms; their strength that held her and offer protection to her and their children.

His hands; grasped around hers, always warm and always gentle. Willing, helpful and guiding.

His lips; kissing and caressing, singing, speaking kingly, encouraging, proclaiming truth, always apologizing for not being able to read minds, laughing.

His eyes; golden mirrors into his heart, reflecting his love for his true love, never judging, looking after her always.

His heart; faithful, full of song, patient, forgiving and strong.

His love; pure, honest, destined, warm like sunshine, determined, everlasting.

She was his love, his beautiful sun seeking flower.

He was her love, her hero, the light in the sky, the song in her heart.

He, was her HeartSong.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

This is a post {more to come} of my fabulous finds.
This is where plain Jane meets Janie and has gone from Fugly to FABULOUS!

It seems I have a knack for finding great deals. {my argument is "look how much money I saved!" Ryan's is, "you still spent money.."} Oh well, I"m still proud of myself. But recently I have discovered a new knack for recreating things; like THIS slut dress from Target. Ha.
I saw it and almost threw up a little. But I knew I had to have it because for only $17 on the sale rack {the price for a pattern and no fabric} I knew I could improve this dress...with just a little hack job. This was probably the easiest{and fugliest} projects to go from Fugly To Fabulous. Not only did it make me feel better, it looks great! It's definitely one of my new favorite outfits.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Since I've blogged last, I saw the exact same show (as a rerun!) that I blogged I decided it was time to commit and follow thru and write again. Shortly after my last blog in FEBRUARY we got broken into and had a little over $1000 (at least that we know of) of items stolen from our house. Those items being Ryan's 32inch flat screen tv. MY camera. MY $400 cash. MY costume jewelry (mostly trinkets that were from my childhood that I as I 'grew up, realized aren't worth anything, priceless) MY jewelry that I made and sold, MY photo scanner, MY Internet card (?) and...some weird random things.. It was a pretty traumatic incident and my immediate reaction was, Not Again! I had my car stolen and stripped almost...3 years ago now and my parents had been broken into last year. I was more mad than anything. I just couldn't believe that it had happened, I had been gone less than two hours and my dog was still home during the entire incident. We were assured that since I had all of my receipts and serial numbers of everything electronic that was stolen that it would more than likely show up. We got NOTHING back. IT ended up being the first of 5 or 6 robberies in our neighborhood in under two weeks. It was pretty horrific all around. Since then I look at my life, my possessions and things I keep around differently than I ever have before. I have the mentality, I'm doing it this way, or putting this here or hiding this...for next time. I certainly believe there will be a next time. Maybe not in this house, but this is only going to get worse in the future. SO. My message to everyone has been, try to mix up your schedule, be unpredictable and always assume someone is watching you. THEY ARE. I am eternally grateful that these "things" were "just things" and not someone(s). I am so thankful for the safety of myself, my husband and the children that were with me at the arrival to the scene. Aside from all the terrible feelings of regret and feeling violated..A sour outcome from this for me has been my disinterest for any and all beading projects. Prior to the robbery I had sold less than half of my jewelry and trinkets and made over $400. I cannot disassociate negative feelings as hard as I try. I hope to overcome them soon for the fall season, pre Christmas shopping..but we shall see. I had made a link from my blog for my jewelry and "bead people". It remains empty as it was all my pictures I took of my inventory was stolen from me when my camera was stolen. As a result to that I am backing up all my photo's in several places/ways and immediately uploading them off my camera. Sonext time..I will still have my memories. I did find some photo's from the boutique I had in OCT. 90% of these pieces were the items that were stollen.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Heart of a Lioness

I was beading yesterday and I had Animal Planet on and I was listening to an amazing story that was airing about a young lioness in the Samburu Reserve in Kenya, Africa. Her story was is so unique and I was so moved by it, it was so amazing I have to share it. 

  Briefly she is a lone lioness without a pride and she has adopted an orphaned Oryx Antelope calf. Oryx are prime prey to Lions and her behavior makes this story, this Lioness so extrodinary and unbelivable. The people have named her Kamunyak which means "blessed one".  She is unable to feed the calf as it is not yet weaned off it's mother and seeks milk. Except for that fact of  not being able to provide milk to the calf, Kamunyak steps completely into the role as mother for this calf. She doesn't let it out of her site and they interact very intimately with each other normally as mother and calf. 

Since a little over a week with the calf, neither Oryx or Lioness have eaten. The community tries to intervene and throws the starved Lioness some meat which she refuses to eat. Her behavior is so unbelievable.  The researcher following the pair, Saba Douglas-Hamilton comments on how it is only time that will tell the fate of the starving pair. 

Nearing just over 2 weeks Saba is struggling to keep up in the thick brush and spots the dazed and weary pair. For the first time, Kamunyak lets the calf wander just out of sight as she rests in the shade. Then to every one's complete horror there is a terrible noise and an adult male Lion has snuck up on and ambushed the small calf. The calf is bleating and wailing and it is so gut wrenching to watch. Kamunyak immediately jumps up and can do nothing but watch as her calf is stolen away. 

I was so incredibly heart sick over watching this sequence. I felt physically sick as I watched Kamunyak helplessly cower in fear. Lioness's often loose young cubs to adult male lions, but just knowing that this Lion had litterally "laid with the lamb"  had brought more intense feelings of sorrow and loss.  

The narrator then noted that Kamunyak was seen making a kill shortly after losing her calf. And if this story wasn't extrodinary enough, she was seen to adopt another five or six orphaned Oryx calves over the next several years, none of them having lived as long with her as the first calf. She has not been spotted since Feb 2004. I believe this is to air again on Animal Planet later in Feburary. 

Here is a site that has clips from the show. Begin with The First Encounter. Click the orange play icon where it says, next video.